It’s funny, the blogs, posts, articles, you find when Googling “single motherhood, single moms.”
I have yet to find one account that openly admits what a train wreck they are…
Everything is happy! cheery!, “look at me, and my wonderful creatures!!”
It’s almost like a disease single moms instantly are infected with when they become single:
“MUST appear sane! Normal! MUST prove I have my shit together! MUST be worthy of finding daddy replacement!”
Status updates are sweet little notes about their sticky fingered creatures being the ultimate joy in their lives:
“My one and only love! I live and breathe for this creature! Isn’t my devotion amazing?!”
I would bet $200 each of these moms would gratefully update their posts to reality if we allowed it.
But, we are not allowed that privilege of blatant honesty.
Even admitting you’re a single mother is an instant branding of “fuck up”…regardless of how you arrived there.
It is a brand that makes even the closest women to you cringe in fear they too may become infected.
Daycare workers and teachers, speak to you as if you haven’t a clue what you are doing, as if you need guidance and schooling on how to parent.
Obviously you do, or you wouldn’t be a single mom in the first place.
God forbid your child actually acts out at any moment lest you face the instantaneous, “you poor, poor fuck up…if only you had a man…”
Your Pediatrician is forgiving for only so many years; and then the consistent questions of, “are you dating? Are you looking hard enough? Why haven’t you found a mate yet? Are you looking online?,” begin rolling in with each checkup, visit.
Friends and family are far more forgiving, but soon, grow weary, exhausted, of your constant need.
And, you’re only fucking kidding yourself if you believe you do not place constant need on those closest to you.
It is impossible not too.
So, you are cornered into living an outside life that only exudes endless strength, overflowing all encompassing devotion to this creature you made, and consistent plastered cheeriness.
Weaknesses are never to be discussed, because your biggest weakness is your life.
That alone, is enough already.
Cornered, you live an outward life of badass strength, endurance, oozing with “I GOT this!! Too easy!!”
Cornered, you achingly seek for a mate, desperately going to almost any length to find him, to find someone to make you “whole” again.
Cornered, this search leads you to a less than desirable mate, but hey-
At least he is willing to take on you, and your baggage-
You should be grateful.
Cornered, you push your perfectionism to plunging precipices, exhausting yourself to collapse.
Cornered, you deny any evidence of your persona, because if you aren’t showing full devotion to your creature(s), you’re most certainly a selfish mother.
Cornered, you’re always in need or, absolutely never, ever having needs.
Cornered, you ultimately have exactly two choices:
Push yourself to find Mr. Take Care of Me or,
Push yourself to never, ever need Mr. Take Care of Me.
No in-between’s for you, Missy.
There is no you, for you.
So, single mom’s plaster on the smiles, plaster on the fake armor, plaster social media with perfection, plaster their words with expectant hope…
There is no other choice.
Because, who lies in wait to see what it looks like to crumble on the sofa nightly in exhaustion and desperate panic?
Who truly wishes to witness silent tears, beaten down pillows of frustration, helpless screams in the bathroom?
Who begs to admit that you cannot stand another minute more with this creature you created and yet, you and you ALONE are the only one to take full care of them?
Who wakes up in the morning, eager to beg for help just so you can find a moment of sanity?
A moment to dream of who you are anymore…